StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 10 11 12 13 14 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up
conyeuchua
83 posts
msg #66101
Ignore conyeuchua
modified
8/12/2008 12:41:46 AM

Psychology of Stock Trading

Sources: Slope of Hope and Fund My Mutual Fund




tomm1111
197 posts
msg #69846
Ignore tomm1111
modified
12/14/2008 12:24:13 AM

Removed by administrator in the spirit of the thread.

conyeuchua
83 posts
msg #70269
Ignore conyeuchua
12/31/2008 4:59:40 PM

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!


Here are Jay Leno's economic jokes for good cheers

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but
keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street
is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment
banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in
Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that
on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's
left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching
our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money,
it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was
his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy
is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business
owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners
are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if
one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I
won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.



johnpaulca
10,082 posts
msg #70936
Ignore johnpaulca
1/25/2009 12:40:51 PM

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'


'Listen, you u don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.


It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'


So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.


He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits..


10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'


That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.


He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.


Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.


The computer=2 0prints the following:


1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!


Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

maxreturn
745 posts
msg #70937
Ignore maxreturn
1/25/2009 2:07:32 PM

JP...keep em coming. ROFLMAO!

guru_trader
485 posts
msg #71166
Ignore guru_trader
2/4/2009 3:22:30 PM

From the web ...

After 40+ years in the printing business my advice to people who have that resume ready is simple ... "A resume should be like a woman's dress, long enough to cover the subject and short enough to arouse interest."

Eman93
4,572 posts
msg #71172
Ignore Eman93
2/4/2009 6:34:26 PM

My 6 year old boy told me this one..

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, he stays for 3 days and then leaves on last Friday of the month.

How is this possable?
His horse's name is Friday



conyeuchua
83 posts
msg #71264
Ignore conyeuchua
modified
2/8/2009 2:19:02 PM

Source: http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ft/2009/ft090208.gif




johnpaulca
10,082 posts
msg #71441
Ignore johnpaulca
2/13/2009 8:00:56 PM

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,

but every once in awhile, you get lucky

and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.













TheRumpledOne
6,358 posts
msg #71481
Ignore TheRumpledOne
2/17/2009 1:57:40 PM

Way too funny!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AyVh1_vWYQ&feature=subscription

StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 10 11 12 13 14 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up

*** Disclaimer *** StockFetcher.com does not endorse or suggest any of the securities which are returned in any of the searches or filters. They are provided purely for informational and research purposes. StockFetcher.com does not recommend particular securities. StockFetcher.com, Vestyl Software, L.L.C. and involved content providers shall not be liable for any errors or delays in the content, or for any actions taken based on the content.


Copyright 2016 - Vestyl Software L.L.C.Terms of Service | License | Questions or comments? Contact Us
EOD Data sources: DDFPlus & CSI Data Quotes delayed during active market hours. Delay times are at least 15 mins for NASDAQ, 20 mins for NYSE and Amex. Delayed intraday data provided by DDFPlus