StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 14 15 16 17 18 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up
johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #76320
Ignore johnpaulca
7/11/2009 1:06:24 PM

ROTFLMAO...very funny Karen.

johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #76433
Ignore johnpaulca
modified
7/14/2009 4:54:46 PM

Guess SF didn't like that picture.

johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #79631
Ignore johnpaulca
9/18/2009 4:02:14 PM

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the
> congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they
> passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so
> would his paycheck.
>
> After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the
> congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the
> preacher's
> expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering
> ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were
> costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
>
> After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from
> his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take
> as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation.
>
> In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally
> said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when
> we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'
>
> The entire congregation said, 'Amen

johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #80567
Ignore johnpaulca
10/2/2009 4:38:20 PM

THE RULES OF RURAL SASKATCHEWAN ARE AS FOLLOWS

Listen up City Slickers!


1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy 1 goes east and west, Hwy 39 & 11 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $365,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year .

6. So every person in rural Saskatchewan waves. It's called 'being friendly ' . Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair .

15. SASKATCHEWAN Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Calgary Flames and the Edmonton Oilers and more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

1 7 . 2 inches of snow & ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.



luc1grunt
622 posts
msg #80574
Ignore luc1grunt
10/2/2009 8:06:00 PM

I like this thread too!

It has nothing to do with trading, but I like it anyway.

johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #80575
Ignore johnpaulca
10/2/2009 8:36:23 PM

No fighting, no bickering, just laughter...cheers everyone.

jrbikes
624 posts
msg #80597
Ignore jrbikes
10/4/2009 10:42:00 AM

Carp recipe!

Pre heat oven to 325 degrees

Place carp onto wooden shingle and marinate (your choice of liquids) for 1 hour
Place into oven and bake for 45 minutes
When baking is complete, remove carp and shinle from oven, now throw away the carp and eat the shingle!

johnpaulca
10,088 posts
msg #81941
Ignore johnpaulca
10/28/2009 11:37:44 AM

Love Making.....
>
> The Italian says, 'When I've a finished a makina da love withah my
> wife, I
> go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches
> above a
> da bed in ecstacy.'
>
> The Frenchman replies. 'Zat is nutting. When Ah've finished making ze
> love
> with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za
> soles of
> her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches
> above ze bed in pure ecstasy
>
> The Saskatchewan farmer says, 'That aint nothing. When I've finished
> porkin
> the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my
> weener
> on the curtains. She freakin' hits the ceiling.'


kmcninvest
43 posts
msg #81976
Ignore kmcninvest
10/28/2009 6:45:29 PM

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.


Eman93
4,572 posts
msg #82101
Ignore Eman93
modified
10/30/2009 1:33:20 AM



StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 14 15 16 17 18 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up

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