StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 18 19 20 21 22 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up
karennma
6,387 posts
msg #91439
Ignore karennma
4/20/2010 3:00:33 PM

What's the difference between Lloyd Blankfein and God?
God doesn't think He's Lloyd Blankfein.

TheRumpledOne
6,358 posts
msg #91499
Ignore TheRumpledOne
4/21/2010 5:39:30 PM

(TEACHER)


A+ I really liked this one.

=============

I did, too...LOL!!!

crunkle
54 posts
msg #91741
Ignore crunkle
4/28/2010 11:49:24 AM


I have authored a new book.......

I hope to share some of my many insightful tips on improving your golf game.

Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas
together in a book. I am very proud of the results, and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends
and family to help me out.

I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have
gained through my years of struggle and experience. I'm hopeful you find this a useful tool to help you
enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great outdoors. The cost is only $9.95. Don't wait until they're all gone !!!!


Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a
Titleist from the Tee.

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger.

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6-Hour Round.

Chapter 10- When Does A Divot Become Classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.

Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.

Chapter 14-When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.

Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three-Putt.

Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.

Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip,
but will Balk at $2.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender.

Thanking you in advance for your cash.




machismo
115 posts
msg #92151
Ignore machismo
5/5/2010 5:24:12 PM

Lost In Translation :Chinglish

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2010/05/03/world/asia/20100503_CHINGLISH.html?ref=asia


crunkle
54 posts
msg #93663
Ignore crunkle
6/9/2010 3:32:38 PM


DEMENTIA QUIZ

FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!



TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?


SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?

ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??


YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?


THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...



IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT... MAYBE...



FOURTH QUESTION:

MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?


IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!


PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
HAVE A NICE DAY, ONE AND ALL.








johnpaulca
10,096 posts
msg #93670
Ignore johnpaulca
6/9/2010 6:18:06 PM

A recent study found

the average Canadian walks

about 900 miles a year.




Another study found

Canadians drink,

on average,

22 gallons of beer a year.




That means,

on average,

Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.




Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Canadian

rharmelink
81 posts
msg #93674
Ignore rharmelink
6/9/2010 8:47:34 PM

>> YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?

Poor question. From the answer, It seems the question SHOULD be:

If you overtake the person in second place, what position are you in?

Otherwise, after I overtake two people, there's no way to tell what position I'm in. It depends what position I started out in before I started overtaking people.

>> IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?

Again, poorly worded question.

I would say I'm in first place, because I've overtaken everyone and there is no one left for me to overtake.

Based on the answer, the question should have been:

If you overtake the person in last place, what position are you in?

>> DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN\'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

Not if Mary is his son. From the other names, we know he isn't good at naming daughters. Maybe he's nuts when it comes to naming sons as well.

Or, maybe Mary's father used to have six daughters before his daughter Mary died. So now he only has five left.

scott111552
139 posts
msg #93676
Ignore scott111552
6/9/2010 9:18:20 PM

....your reasoning borders on brilliance...... :)

Eman93
4,573 posts
msg #93988
Ignore Eman93
6/17/2010 7:24:42 PM



johnpaulca
10,096 posts
msg #93989
Ignore johnpaulca
6/17/2010 8:20:25 PM

bright like stick.

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